A Quick Guide to Saying "No"

And making time for things that matter most

Author

Justin Gordon
January 02, 2023

Hey there my friend 👋 , Justin here and welcome to Just Go Grind, a newsletter for the ambitious. Thank you to the 49 of you who joined since the last edition, if you aren't subscribed, and want to join 592 other subscribers, please subscribe below:

Learning to say "no" is critical.

Not only for our success but our happiness and mental health as well.

But most of us struggle with it. Myself included.

Today the goal is to make it just a little easier.

As Warren Buffett famously said:

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.

However you define success, saying "no" is important.

How do we start?

First, we have to understand our non-negotiables.

For example, at VITALIZE we invest in B2B software in the Future of Work, and we say "no" to all the startups that aren't a fit.

Your personal non-negotiables could include:

  • The hours you work

  • Set time with family

  • Time for self-care

  • The type of work you do

Next, we have to internalize that saying "no" frees us up to say "yes."

Of course, every "no" has an opportunity cost.

As an investor, this is ever-present, as we don't want to miss out on "the next big thing."

However, there's always another opportunity.

There are many ways of saying "no":

  • The x but y "no"

  • The deferred "no"

  • The relational "no"

  • The "no" after "yes"

  • The deflection "no"

  • The alternative "no"

  • The on-deadline "no"

  • The autoresponder "no"

  • The synchronous to asynchronous "no"

Let's go through examples of each.

The x but y "no"

When you want to help, but you can't fully support the request:

"I can review the proposal once you have a draft."

You're not committing to the request itself, but instead, you're saying "no" by setting the terms of what you WILL do.

The deferred "no"

When you're interested in the request at some point, but don't have the time now:

"I can't right now because of X, but if you follow up in a few months and I'm able to, let's chat then."

The relational "no"

When you're leveraging other relationships to say "no":

“Students are my top priority professionally, and since I teach more than 300 students per year, I don’t have the bandwidth to take on additional mentoring."

I got this one from the always insightful Adam Grant.

The "no" after "yes"

When you overcommit:

"Last year, when I said I could join your panel, I thought I'd have the availability. However, after taking a closer look at my calendar, I'm realizing I overextended myself and will not be able to make it."

The deflection "no"

When you think someone else will be better for the request:

"Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm not the best person for this. However, X is great at Y and might be helpful. I'm happy to make an email introduction if you're both okay with it."

The alternative "no"

When you still want to help, but don't have time:

"I'm flattered you want to talk to me about X, but I'm overextended at the moment. However, I wrote a few articles about X here and think they'd be helpful."

The on-deadline "no"

When you have a big project you need to focus on:

"I appreciate you reaching out, the opportunity sounds great, but I'm on deadline for my [book/course/fundraise] and have to pass. Thanks for thinking of me."

The autoresponder "no"

When you want to set expectations right away:

“Dear Friends, I am currently working on a new book which has put enormous burdens on my time. Unfortunately, I am unable to respond in the manner I would like. For this, I apologize.”

This one came from Farnam Street.

The synchronous to asynchronous "no"

When you're willing to offer your thoughts, but on your time:

"Thanks for thinking of me. I'm unable to have coffee at this time, but I can answer specific questions you have about x if you email them to me."

Saying "no" is challenging.

But protecting our time is critical.

By defining our values first, setting up systems and delegating, then being prepared to say "no" to things that don't align, we make room for saying "yes" to what matters most.

Additional resources on saying "no" found below:

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Best,

Justin

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